Big Emotions, Little Kids: 4 Emotional Regulation Skills That Work

One minute, they're giggling on the carpet. The next moment, they're curled under the table in tears. Or clenching fists. Or storming away from a friend who took the green crayon. The "big emotions" of early childhood are loud, raw, and often overwhelming for the child experiencing them and the adults trying to respond. 

Emotional turbulence is a natural part of childhood development. Young children aren't born knowing how to manage emotions. Emotional regulation isn't something they "just figure out." It's a skill, and like any skill, it must be taught and practiced. 

In this blog, we'll explore four practical, evidence-based strategies that support the development of emotional regulation skills in young children. 

1 - Label Emotions in Real Time 

Before children can regulate their emotions, they have to recognize them. That's why labeling feelings as they happen is one of the most powerful tools adults can use. When we give emotions names (such as sad, frustrated, excited, and nervous), we offer children a language for what they're experiencing. Over time, that language becomes the foundation for emotional regulation skills, helping children better understand, express, and manage their inner world. 

Labeling emotions can happen naturally throughout the day. "You're really disappointed that it's raining, and we can't go outside." "I see you're feeling proud. You worked hard on that puzzle!" In conflict, a phrase like "It looks like you're angry because he grabbed your toy" can help a child pause and process, rather than lash out. These moments build emotional literacy. 

Visuals and play-based tools make labeling emotions even more accessible. Emotion wheels, feelings cards, puppets, and picture books invite children to explore feelings in age-appropriate, engaging ways, especially in preschool SEL programs where social-emotional learning activities are part of the daily routine. 

The Incredible Years Preschool Parenting Program offers professionals clear examples and take-home tools to help parents and caregivers use this strategy at home. Doing so reinforces a child's emotional regulation skills training across environments. 

2 – Practice Calming Techniques in Advance 

When a child is mid-meltdown, it's not the time to introduce a new coping skill. Their brain is in survival mode. Teach calming strategies during predictable moments when the child feels safe and supported. Some effective calming techniques include: 

• Deep belly breaths: Teach children to place their hands on their bellies and slowly breathe in and out. This physical cue helps them focus on their breath and activates the body's natural calming system. 
• Movement breaks: Quick activities like jumping jacks or animal walks help release built-up energy. 
• Guided imagery: Invite children to imagine blowing bubbles or floating on a cloud. Relaxing mental pictures can help reduce stress and distract from overwhelming feelings. 
• Yoga poses: Simple poses like Child's Pose or Starfish Stretch offer grounding physical input while encouraging stillness and deep breathing. 
• "1-2-3 breathe" exercise: Breathe in for three counts, hold for three, and exhale for three. Repeating this technique helps children regulate their body and mind before frustration escalates. 

Embedding these techniques into everyday routines strengthens their impact. Breathe together before transitioning to a new activity. Practice stretches together. Invite children to visit a cozy area when they need space to reset. When we incorporate emotional regulation skills training into a child's daily routine, we provide them with tools they can carry with them for life.  

Our preschool early intervention program offers updated guidance that professionals can use to incorporate these practices into their programming. 

3 - Reinforce Regulation Behaviors with Positive Attention 

Children learn what matters by what gets noticed. That's why reinforcing emotional regulation skills with positive, effort-based attention is so powerful. When a child works hard to take a deep breath, wait their turn, or use words instead of pushing, a simple acknowledgment, such as "You worked hard to calm your body," can go a long way. Reinforcement doesn't always have to be verbal, either. A thumbs up across the room. A smile. A nod that says, I see you trying. These small cues encourage children to keep practicing, even when it's hard. 

Consistency is key when it comes to positive reinforcement. Research shows that when multiple caregivers use the same language and reinforce the same behaviors, children are more likely to internalize those emotional regulation skills and apply them across settings. The Incredible Years Preschool Basic 2.0 parenting program includes refreshed scripts, examples, and visual tools that help professionals guide caregivers in celebrating emotional growth at home. 

4 - Promote Regulation Through Guided Peer Interaction 

Emotional regulation is a social skill. Structured play, classroom jobs, and social-emotional learning activities give children safe, meaningful ways to navigate frustration, take turns, and resolve conflicts in real time. 

Cooperative games and partner tasks encourage perspective-taking and impulse control. Here are a few guided peer-based interactions to try:  

• Role-play scenarios: Children act out common social challenges (e.g., "What if your friend grabs the toy you were playing with?") and explore how different responses feel. 

• Puppets or stuffed animals: These allow children to externalize emotional experiences and safely discuss conflict from a third-person perspective. 

• Conflict-resolution storybooks: Characters model emotional struggles and problem-solving strategies that children can relate to and imitate. 

• Rotating responsibilities: Jobs like "snack helper" or "line leader" teach cooperation, patience, and following group routines. 

As research shows, programs that teach young children to practice turn-taking, problem-solving, and sharing with peers can significantly improve emotional regulation skills and reduce behavioral challenges. Preschool Basic 2.0 includes new group strategies and scripts to support this type of structured emotional learning. 

Implement Emotional Regulation Skills Training

Emotional regulation skills are built over time, through small, intentional moments. By labeling emotions in real time, practicing calming techniques proactively, reinforcing effort with positive attention, and guiding peer interactions, we can help children develop emotional regulation skills that truly stick. 

The Incredible Years Preschool Basic 2.0 parenting program provides everything professionals need to help parents and caregivers support emotional growth at home. Learn how you can create the foundation for a lifetime of emotional well-being by implementing an Incredible Years program today. 

Incredible Years is dedicated to providing evidence-based programs designed to aid early interventions for children in order to improve their emotional and social competencies, focusing on equipping parents, caregivers, and teachers with necessary strategies and support. Our unique approach is designed to address each child's individual needs and help them thrive. For more information about our programs and how they can help you, visit our Programs page.