NEW Arc of Emotional Regulation Poster! | The Incredible Years® Blog

by Carolyn Webster-Stratton, PhD

When helping parents and teachers learn how to teach children emotion self-regulation skills, it can be useful to imagine self-regulation and dysregulation as an arc.

Emotional Self-Regulation refers to a person’s ability to remain calm and have adequate control of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors in emotionally arousing situations.  

Emotional dysregulation refers to times when someone’s emotional and behavioral responses are out of control and result in anger, sadness, fears or withdrawal. 

One of the major developmental tasks for preschool children is learning to self-regulate and manage their emotions.

The Arc of Emotional Regulation poster shows parents and teachers how to promote children’s self-regulation through emotion, social, and persistence coaching, child-directed play, predictable routines for sleep and meals, clear limits and rules, and teaching self-regulation skills when children are calm.

When children encounter a challenge and show the beginning signs of being stressed or dysregulated by whining or crying, parents and teachers can prompt children to calm down with deep breathing, positive self-talk, positive imagery, music, songs and exercise.

If children continue to escalate in their dysregulated state and lose control with tantrums, parents/teachers wait and give children time and space to calm down. Coaching is saved for times when the child is in a coachable window emotionally. Parents and teachers model staying calm and patient and ignore the tantrums so as not to reinforce them with further attention. It is important parents/teachers stay nearby to monitor their child’s safety and wait for opportunities when children are calmer to use distractions, redirections, and calm down methods.

Once the child has re-regulated, then parents/teachers reconnect with the child with new learning and problem-solving.

This new Arc of Emotion Regulation poster can be very helpful for parents and teachers to think about where the child is on the arc of emotional regulation and whether to prompt self-regulation approaches, or wait and give the child time to calm down. It indicates the importance of the parent or teacher staying calm, patient and supportive when a child is dysregulated. Calm voices lead to calmer children.

Tips for teaching children emotion regulation

• Use emotion coaching to strengthen children's emotion language.
• Use puppets, books, and visuals to enhance children's self-regulation learning and to help practice calm down breathing methods.
• Encourage children to build memories of happy times and places through art, writing, and stories told.
• Prompt children when anxious, fearful, or angry to use some positive coping self-talk such as, “I can do it”, “I can calm down”, or, “I can wait and be patient.”
• Encourage counting to 10, dancing, singing, giving and getting hugs, and some form of regular exercise as self-regulation activities.
• Model calm down strategies as an adult, such as taking deep breaths, or taking a brief break, or time away to exercise.
• Give children time and space to calm down. Save your coaching for times
  when your child is in a coachable window.
• Keep a balanced diet and regular mealtime, bedtime, and exercise routines so children are well-nourished and not sleep deprived.